My Father

my father lived and died well... he was a REAL trooper... he understood... he lived without complaining too much... he was thankful to be alive even tho in pain... AND, when it was too much, he finally died, but was pleasant and cheerful to the very end...

he really really died well without complaining... I wonder if he knows I know that... he never complained... I mean just enough only to tell me how he felt, but he NEVER dwelt on it... NEVER dwelt on negative things... he would think to himself, would I rather be dead, and he would say to himself NO... and he would keep on living... in the end, when his heart was giving out, he didn't complain... he accepted it was time for him to go...

but my father didn't really understand things... I mean he just knew there was life and death... and as painful as life got for him, he would think to himself, I still am more happy being alive than dead... he didn't know why he felt that way, and even tho he claimed to be and acted religiously, believing I assume in the Catholic Church etc... he didn't want to die and go to heaven... he seemed to prefer being here on earth...

I guess it is a real case of nature vs culture... nature told my father to LIVE... culture told my father heaven awaited him... even tho he believed in the culture he was brought up in, the NATURAL instinct to LIVE was with him to the very end...

I just think that is interesting...